Slightly Bitter Baptist productions presents:
You might be a Baptist if...
- Your churches doctrine can fit on a bumper sticker
- The pastor's name is written on your church sign in dry erase marker
- Your church has a "Committee on Teams and Committees"
- Your church has "Bible" in the name
- Your church is non-denominational
- Instead of a new members class you just have a potluck
- You've never fasted
- Your pastor wears waders when baptizing people
- Half the men in your church are named "John"
- The painting behind the baptismal involves a waterfall or a lighthouse
- Contrary to popular belief, Jesus actually turned the water into welches grape juice
- You either think drums are evil and so don't have any, or you think they are permissible, but not profitable, so you lock your drummer in transparent a box.
- Your church has hymnals but never uses them
- The earth is 6000 years old because Reasons
- You think Catholicism is a cult
- During your churches' Super Bowl party you don't show the commercials because of beer advertising. But you have a designated sinner watch them so you don't miss any of the game.
- Funerals, Weddings, Graduations, Birthdays and Going Away Parties are all celebrated with potluck dinners.